I Have No Idea What To Do

I been try to figure out what to do with my life. I been trying to return to LDS church but they keep on avoid me as they told me that I'm already member of the church. I was confuse about this because I know that my name is removal from name roll and membership. I'm not member of LDS church anymore. I been try to explain to bishop at ward in my hometown for three times. Yet, he keep on shrugs and told me to not worry about it. Then bishop never follow up on me. I feel like if I should not be in ward because I keep on asking him many times and I keep on get different answers from him. I feel like if I lost my chance to be in church after I asked for my name to be removal.

I spent almost few months of depression when I realized I did walked off from great thing that best happen to me. Lehi's dream: there are four groups and iron rod that led us to the tree of life. I was in second group, I did success push myself to walk whole to the tree of life. However, I saw that people mocked at me for my belief. I was ashamed and fell into forbidden paths. I accident lost my grip on iron rod and lost myself in darkness.

First group, people are struggle hold on iron rod and lost their grips on it. They wandered in darkness. Second group, people did hold on iron rod and successful arrival to tree of life. However, they are ashamed of people who mocked them. They lost their grips on iron rod and lost in darkness. Third group, people did hold on iron rod and successful arrival to tree of life to partake a fruit of life. They stood up to people who mocked at them and they hold on iron rod firmly. Fourth group, people walking in darkness and never see iron rod at all.


I don't know what to do next. I wonder if it is possible for me to find the iron rod again after I walked off from it? I hope that I will get that answer someday. Also, for bishop at my local ward... I know that nobody is no perfect.