I Have No Idea What To Do

I been try to figure out what to do with my life. I been trying to return to LDS church but they keep on avoid me as they told me that I'm already member of the church. I was confuse about this because I know that my name is removal from name roll and membership. I'm not member of LDS church anymore. I been try to explain to bishop at ward in my hometown for three times. Yet, he keep on shrugs and told me to not worry about it. Then bishop never follow up on me. I feel like if I should not be in ward because I keep on asking him many times and I keep on get different answers from him. I feel like if I lost my chance to be in church after I asked for my name to be removal.

I spent almost few months of depression when I realized I did walked off from great thing that best happen to me. Lehi's dream: there are four groups and iron rod that led us to the tree of life. I was in second group, I did success push myself to walk whole to the tree of life. However, I saw that people mocked at me for my belief. I was ashamed and fell into forbidden paths. I accident lost my grip on iron rod and lost myself in darkness.

First group, people are struggle hold on iron rod and lost their grips on it. They wandered in darkness. Second group, people did hold on iron rod and successful arrival to tree of life. However, they are ashamed of people who mocked them. They lost their grips on iron rod and lost in darkness. Third group, people did hold on iron rod and successful arrival to tree of life to partake a fruit of life. They stood up to people who mocked at them and they hold on iron rod firmly. Fourth group, people walking in darkness and never see iron rod at all.


I don't know what to do next. I wonder if it is possible for me to find the iron rod again after I walked off from it? I hope that I will get that answer someday. Also, for bishop at my local ward... I know that nobody is no perfect. 

The Letters of Paul

Paul's letters are extremely valuable to Christians. The letters are the oldest document we have. 

Romans: the book full of the power and grace of God. The book is also full of a source of inspiration and renewal in the church from earliest times to the present.

First Corinthians: the book have great sections on love in the church and the Resurrection.

2 Corinthians: the book is a combination of harsh differences and rejoicing over reconciliation.

Galatians: the book contains important information about Paul's own life and about the beginnings of the church.

Ephesians: the book is a meditation on the purpose of reconciling in all things in Christ.

Philippians: the book is a personal thankful for gift from the church and encouraging the church to be faithful.

Colossians: the book was a guidance for the true spiritual life.

First Thessalonians/2 Thessalonians: the books taught Christians how to live and to await the Lord's return with constant diligence.

First Timothy/2 Timothy/Titus: The books are a guidance for the young pastors who are trying to lead the church.

Philemon: the book is a personal plea for Philemon to forgive the runaway slave Onesimus and receive him back as a brother in Christ.

Did You Think To Pray?

I saw this video and I really like it. I pray when I need His moral supports and guide me.

Now, did you think to pray?

Hunt for a Church

I want have a church where I can meet other people who share same my love for Jesus. I joined the Latter-Day Saints Church for couple years and I volunteered left it. I sometimes regrets it. But, I do have wonderful experiences with LDS church. I now realized that I need to find another church to build new community and supportive system for me in my hometown. I feel weird about it because when I accept Jesus in my heart, I didn't have a church for couple years. (I don't recommend it!) Anyway, I decided to research on churches in my hometown and I keep on groaning as I visited to many churches. It is hard for me to not judge on churches because I was hard-wired by LDS church's structure. I finally clear my mind and start to thinking about what Jesus did in his time. Jesus was one who build a church and teach his disciples to spread out his church style idea (fellowship) to people with his love messages on good news (gospels). Why do I have to be tense and snob about churches? Jesus want all of us to be fellowship with other people to discuss about the good news. I just need to find right atmosphere with people's open hearts then that where I should belong to.

My Baptized in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I tried to find my personal journal with all my experiences with Lord. I couldn't find it but I find something was better. My packet with personal messages and pictures from my baptism day. I was so touched and I read all messages from my friends. I also found two gifts from my missionaries during my stay in Washington DC. I decided to post them on this blog.

This art is my favorite. I don't know who draw this one.

Kira, my best friend and me on my baptism day.

 Kira gave this to me before I baptized in the LDS Church.

 One Elder gave this gift to me before I moved to Alaska. I forget about it until last night. 

Front cover.

 Back cover.

Other Elder made this for me before he leave from his missionary. 

Front cover.

 

Back cover. Elder draw me on bottom and there are five stones in river to get across to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

In case, it is saying: Faith, Repentance, Baptism, Gift of Holy Ghost, and Endure to end.

This picture was taken after my baptism.

Ache for His Love...

I have been avoid go to church for a while. Last time I went to any church was at last June. I even have hard time to pick up the Bible or to praying to Lord. I have been feel like I do have something heavy like if as backpack on my back so I can't bend to pick up the Bible. I keep on believe that I can pray to Lord any time that I want to but I was wrong. I can't pray to Lord because my heart become harder. I'm become blind to Lord's blessing. I'm now start to suffering with my depression and I believe that I'm worthless. Even I tried to seek for help from people to support me with depression. But, I keep on to hitting the wall. I'm realized that Lord have been tried to get my attention to see that He been waiting for me with his open arms. I hope that I will find a strength to return to Him again. I am ache for his love. Please, could you praying for my strength to surrender myself to Lord. Thank you for your moral supports.

26 Years of My Life

I was born on October 1, 1987 at 1:13am. 26 years later... here I am.

I am thankful for my parents who have been raise me for 26 years. I love them.